Reading the T-Shirts

I have a lot of Cardinal red in my closet.  In fact, it's pretty rare not to see me in some sort of St. Louis regalia.  And, in the last few years, I've started accumulating a number of the T-shirt jerseys.  You know what I'm talking about, the shirts with the Cardinal logo on the front and the player name and number on the back.

A few days ago, while trying to decide which one to wear, I started thinking about what the player on the back says about the person wearing it.  I'm not much good at this, but I'll give it a try.  (Oh, and the starred ones?  Those are the ones I have hanging in my closet right now!  I wouldn't necessarily lay claim that the descriptions fit me, though.)

Albert Pujols #5*: Having Pujols on your back could say a number of things.  It could say that you appreciate greatness.  It could say you know that he is this generation's Stan Musial.  Or it could say you are a front-runner who only knows Pujols on the current roster.  If you see this guy talking on the phone at the ballpark during the sixth with runners on and the game in the balance, count it as front-runner.

Rick Ankiel #24*: You are big on redemption.  You love the Hollywood movies.  You know, the one where the hero is knocked down but eventually makes a dramatic return and earns the standing ovation.  You teared up when he hit his home run in his first game back.  It's OK, you can admit it.

Rick Ankiel #66: You still pine for what could have been.  You remember the devastating curveball and the blazing fastball.  You get a little sick when you think of the 2000 playoffs.  Make that a lot sick.  And, also, you need to update your wardrobe just a bit.

Jim Edmonds #15: You are a little flashy.  You appreciate diving catches and dramatics on the field.  You tend to rush into the bank at 4:59 just ahead of the closing doors, even though you probably could have been there five minutes earlier if you wanted to.

Jim Edmonds #15 (Cubs): You are either obsessed with Jimmy Radio or just mentally deranged.  Either way, please seek professional help.

J.D. Drew #7*: You always thought J.D. was the whipping boy in St. Louis, that he was more productive than most gave him credit for and not quite as injury-prone as everyone made him out to be.  You also have sprained your shoulder patting yourself on the back and must miss a couple of days of work.

Chris Carpenter #29*:  You love seeing gambles pay off.  You'll put down $5 to win $500.  You remember 2005 and figure if a guy can be mentioned with Bob Gibson, he's good enough for your back.

Scott Rolen #27*:  There are a couple of options here.  You either love defense, remembering the leather Rolen flashed fondly, or you are one of those who formerly took LaRussa to task about most everything (though less loudly since 2006) and you wear 27 as a silent protest.

Yadier Molina #4: Defense is your passion.  You love seeing runners thrown out or picked off.  You love testing your reflexes by having people toss you items, just to see if you can catch them. (Usually, you can't.)  Or, perhaps, you just like to say Yadier Molina (which, I believe, is why my three-year-old son is so fond of him.)

Adam Wainwright #50*: You believe that pitching wins pennants.  You remember the curveball to Beltran more fondly than your wedding day.  You think the trade with Atlanta was just as good as the trade with Oakland was bad.

Jason Isringhausen #44: You live life on the edge.  You drink milk two days past the expiration date.  You renew your car tags on the second of the next month.  Adventure, excitement, these are your companions.  Unfortunately, they often leave you at the ER waiting for the on-call doctor.

Brendan Ryan #13: You love the scrappy guy.  This is the latest in a long line of shirts for you, starting with Joe McEwing and then Bo Hart, which you still break out occasionally.  Whether they have talent or not, it doesn't matter.  You also don't feel like it's a good day until you've gotten your clothes dirty in some form of exertion, even if it's just diving off the couch for a loose chip.

Colby Rasmus #?: You are always looking ahead.  As Yoda said, "All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was."  The present is nice and all, but you continue to plan and hope for a better day.

Jamie Garcia #?: You are actually Erik Manning.

Mark Mulder #30: You believe in miracles and you think the best bandwagons are the ones with plenty of room.

Of course, these are in all the traditional team colors.  You hate to see people of the female persuasion decked out like this.

Any more suggestions?  Post them in the comments!


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