Costuming the Cardinals

(Before we get there, though, there’s a former Cardinal who ties closely to Star Wars.  David Eckstein’s wife, Ashley, is the voice of Ahsoka Tano, the new padawan in the Clone Wars TV show.  Not sure who Eck would be.  A Jawa from Tatooine?  They are both short, plus scrounged around (or, perhaps, were scrappy enough) to make a living anyway they could.  Both had a moment of glory—the Jaws when they sold R2 and C3P0 to Luke, Eckstein in the 2006 World Series.   Both then dropped off suddenly, though at least Eckstein has avoided being shot by stormtroopers.  Back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

Albert Pujols would have to go as Yoda.  There’s not a lot of physical similarities, of course, but it often seems that Albert can draw upon the Force when he’s in the batter’s box.  Yoda is the most powerful of all the Jedi, which would correlate to Pujols being the most powerful of the Cardinals.  Plus, if you’ve ever heard Pujols give an interview, sometimes he comes across with some interesting syntax, just like our Jedi Master.

The former closer, Jason Isringhausen, would probably be Darth Vader.  He held a position of trust, but betrayed it with his late-inning blowups this year.  He is the face of the evil bullpen, much like Vader was the face of the Empire.  There is still hope for redemption for him, however, if he signs an incentive-laden contract.

It’s fitting to really get into the details (or, more honestly, be truly geek) for manager Tony LaRussa’s costume.  As the Jedi Historian in charge of the archives, Jocasta Nu, well, knew all there was to know about the Jedi and their past.  LaRussa’s big on knowing information about the past as well, hoping it will shape the future.

Before he signed, I thought Kyle Lohse would be a good Boba Fett.  With his new contract, though, Jango Fett might be a better fit.  Loshe, like Jango, was kind of a bounty hunter in 2008, signing a one-year deal.  Lohse, like Jango, did the job admirably and got paid but there were ramifications.  For Lohse, it’s whether he’ll be effective in year four of a deal.  Jango, well, he lost his head over it all.  Besides the fact, with the way pitching goes today, the Cardinals could do worse than to close Lohse.  (Some would say the organization is in the clone making business anyway, making everyone pitch to contact and get ground balls.)

Chris Carpenter, the injured ace of the staff, could go as Luke Skywalker.  Both were strong in their respective fields and many looked to them for inspiration and a chance to win.  Both were, at least at one time, at the top of their occupations.  Plus, both had to have parts of their arm/hand rebuilt.

Our young pitcher Chris Perez might be Han Solo for the night.  Solo, at least in his early days, was a pretty solid gunslinger, which could also fit Perez’s pitching style.  Hard and fast and not much subtlety, though the creative instincts are there.  Plus, at the end of A New Hope it’s Han that saves the day, much like Perez did when he first was put in the “closer” role.

It might not be as obvious, but I think Ryan Ludwick could pull off Obi-Wan Kenobi.  We watched Kenobi develop in front of our eyes, kind of the way Ludwick has blossomed in his time in St. Louis.  By the original trilogy, Obi-Wan is second to only Yoda in his strength, and if Pujols is Yoda, I think we could safely say the second-most impactful Cardinal was Ludwick.  Don’t know if he could grow out the beard, though.

For a good portion of the fan base, Bill DeWitt going as Emperor Palpatine would be poetic justice.  Take the evil part of it out of the equation (something that is a bit more debatable) and realize that it is the Emperor who holds the ultimate power in the Star Wars universe (until he gets overthrown—literally), just like DeWitt does in St. Louis.  Besides, neither of them are hurting on the monetary side.

Even though he’s not made it to St. Louis yet, Colby Rasmus should get into the fun, shouldn’t he?  Rasmus has been anointed in some quarters as one of the greatest prospects to come along in some time.  He could save the team or at least bring balance to the offense.  So, obviously, the Chosen One has to be Anakin Skywalker.

Chris Duncan isn’t often selected as someone’s most favorite Cardinal.  He’s crude and, especially at times in the outfield, clumsy and infuriating.  Some people wonder what he brings to the table and many would be happy if he was gone, figuring he’s only there to appeal to a small part of the fan base.  Basically, he’s the Cardinal version of Jar Jar Binks. 

If we have a Han Solo, we’ve got to have a Chewbacca.  Tall and hairy with plenty of weapons, somebody you want in a fight (or a battle between two teams).  Loyal to those that gave him a chance.  Sounds like a certain Adam Wainwright to me.  (He’d have to grow the beard back out!)

Troy Glaus would get to be the smooth and dashing Lando Calrissian.  Sometimes you can’t be sure what side Lando is on or what he’s got cooked up.  He’s streaky, like a gambler often is.  And if there is a word that defined Glaus’s 2008, it was streaky.

Aaron Miles has seemed to earn a place in the Cards Clubhouse.  He doesn’t get top billing, but the scrappy guy has a number of different weapons in his arsenal.  He can play anywhere, get a hit, occasionally have a little power.  He’s basically a baseball version of R2D2, right down to the height (or lack thereof).

Yadier Molina can be Mace Windu.  Windu was a close friend of Yoda and was a leader in his own right, just like Yadi leads the pitching staff on the field.  Windu was a strong Jedi who enforced justice, the way Molina enforces it on opposing baserunners.

Braden Looper deserves a mention.  He’s not as flashy as some of his pitching counterparts.  He never will be considered a top pitcher.  Like a Rebel soldier, though, he was the backbone of the staff this year.  He took orders and delivered results without getting a screen credit or an actual named action figure.

Finally, Randy Flores can go as a stormtrooper.  Why?  Well, stormstroopers were detrimental to the Rebel cause, even if they couldn’t hit anything they aimed at.  Flores was detrimental to the Cardinals because he couldn’t it anything he aimed at.

4 Comments

4 Comments | Leave a comment

Deaner | October 31, 2008 12:11 PM | Reply

I must confess that I am not a Star Wars fan, but great post!

emrfg8 | October 31, 2008 12:44 PM | Reply

No Chewbacca??

emrfg8 replied to comment from emrfg8 | October 31, 2008 12:47 PM | Reply

oops, there it is

Sarah-bug | November 1, 2008 11:32 AM | Reply

What a cool idea!
Izzy as Vader was my favorite. I love Jason and was as devastated to see him fall apart as I was to see Anakin go over to the dark side. (It changed Star Wars for me.)

Leave a comment

Name

Email Address

URL

Remember personal info?

Comments (You may use HTML tags for style)