Posted on October 31, 2008 at 7:00 AM
Filed Under: St. Louis Cardinals
I have close to 30 years of Star Wars
geekiness in my system and apparently this was encoded on
my DNA, because now my son of almost 4 is becoming a huge Star Wars
fan as well.
my daughter always loves to see R2D2 on the screen.)
So when you take that and mix it with my love
for the Cardinals, well, it sounds like a great Halloween post.
Imagine, if you will, that the Cardinal
clubhouse decided to use a galaxy far, far away for their inspiration for
(Before we get there, though, there’s a former Cardinal who
ties closely to Star Wars. David Eckstein’s wife, Ashley, is the voice
of Ahsoka Tano, the new padawan in the Clone
Wars TV show. Not sure who Eck would
be. A Jawa from Tatooine? They are both short, plus scrounged around
(or, perhaps, were scrappy enough) to make a living anyway they could. Both had a moment of glory—the Jaws when they
sold R2 and C3P0 to Luke, Eckstein in the 2006 World Series. Both then dropped off suddenly, though at
least Eckstein has avoided being shot by stormtroopers. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.)
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would have to go as Yoda. There’s not a lot of physical similarities,
of course, but it often seems that Albert can draw upon the Force when he’s in
the batter’s box. Yoda is the most
powerful of all the Jedi, which would correlate to Pujols being the most
powerful of the Cardinals. Plus, if
you’ve ever heard Pujols give an interview, sometimes he comes across with some
interesting syntax, just like our Jedi Master.
The former closer, Jason
Isringhausen, would probably be Darth
Vader. He held a position of trust,
but betrayed it with his late-inning blowups this year. He is the face of the evil bullpen, much like
Vader was the face of the Empire. There
is still hope for redemption for him, however, if he signs an incentive-laden
It’s fitting to really get into the details (or, more
honestly, be truly geek) for manager Tony
LaRussa’s costume. As the Jedi Historian in charge of the
archives, Jocasta Nu, well, knew all
there was to know about the Jedi and their past. LaRussa’s big on knowing information about
the past as well, hoping it will shape the future.
Before he signed, I thought Kyle Lohse would be a good Boba Fett. With his new contract, though, Jango Fett might be a better fit. Loshe, like Jango, was kind of a bounty
hunter in 2008, signing a one-year deal.
Lohse, like Jango, did the job admirably and got paid but there were ramifications. For Lohse, it’s whether he’ll be effective in
year four of a deal. Jango, well, he
lost his head over it all. Besides the
fact, with the way pitching goes today, the Cardinals could do worse than to
close Lohse. (Some would say the
organization is in the clone making business anyway, making everyone pitch to
contact and get ground balls.)
the injured ace of the staff, could go as Luke
Skywalker. Both were strong in their
respective fields and many looked to them for inspiration and a chance to
win. Both were, at least at one time, at
the top of their occupations. Plus, both
had to have parts of their arm/hand rebuilt.
Our young pitcher Chris
Perez might be Han Solo for the
night. Solo, at least in his early days,
was a pretty solid gunslinger, which could also fit Perez’s pitching style. Hard and fast and not much subtlety, though
the creative instincts are there. Plus,
at the end of A New Hope it’s Han that saves the day, much like Perez did when
he first was put in the “closer” role.
It might not be as obvious, but I think Ryan Ludwick could pull off Obi-Wan
Kenobi. We watched Kenobi develop in
front of our eyes, kind of the way Ludwick has blossomed in his time in St.
Louis. By the original trilogy, Obi-Wan
is second to only Yoda in his strength, and if Pujols is Yoda, I think we could
safely say the second-most impactful Cardinal was Ludwick. Don’t know if he could grow out the beard,
For a good portion of the fan base, Bill DeWitt going as Emperor
Palpatine would be poetic justice.
Take the evil part of it out of the equation (something that is a bit
more debatable) and realize that it is the Emperor who holds the ultimate power
in the Star Wars universe (until he gets overthrown—literally), just like
DeWitt does in St. Louis. Besides, neither
of them are hurting on the monetary side.
Even though he’s not made it to St. Louis yet, Colby Rasmus should get into the fun,
shouldn’t he? Rasmus has been anointed
in some quarters as one of the greatest prospects to come along in some
time. He could save the team or at least
bring balance to the offense. So,
obviously, the Chosen One has to be Anakin
isn’t often selected as someone’s most favorite Cardinal. He’s crude and, especially at times in the
outfield, clumsy and infuriating. Some
people wonder what he brings to the table and many would be happy if he was
gone, figuring he’s only there to appeal to a small part of the fan base. Basically, he’s the Cardinal version of Jar Jar Binks.
If we have a Han Solo, we’ve got to have a Chewbacca. Tall and hairy with plenty of weapons,
somebody you want in a fight (or a battle between two teams). Loyal to those that gave him a chance. Sounds like a certain Adam Wainwright to me. (He’d
have to grow the beard back out!)
Troy Glaus would
get to be the smooth and dashing Lando
Calrissian. Sometimes you can’t be
sure what side Lando is on or what he’s got cooked up. He’s streaky, like a gambler often is. And if there is a word that defined Glaus’s
2008, it was streaky.
Aaron Miles has
seemed to earn a place in the Cards Clubhouse.
He doesn’t get top billing, but the scrappy guy has a number of
different weapons in his arsenal. He can
play anywhere, get a hit, occasionally have a little power. He’s basically a baseball version of R2D2, right down to the height (or lack
Yadier Molina can
be Mace Windu. Windu was a close friend of Yoda and was a
leader in his own right, just like Yadi leads the pitching staff on the
field. Windu was a strong Jedi who
enforced justice, the way Molina enforces it on opposing baserunners.
Braden Looper deserves
a mention. He’s not as flashy as some of
his pitching counterparts. He never will
be considered a top pitcher. Like a Rebel soldier, though, he was the
backbone of the staff this year. He took
orders and delivered results without getting a screen credit or an actual named
Finally, Randy Flores
can go as a stormtrooper. Why?
Well, stormstroopers were detrimental to the Rebel cause, even if they
couldn’t hit anything they aimed at.
Flores was detrimental to the Cardinals because he couldn’t it anything he aimed at.